As many of you already know, I am 20 years old.
Yes, I am still young with many years ahead of me. But I’m also at that age where people are asking me certain questions like “are you in college?” or questions about what am I doing with my life. Because I have to have my life figured out right now, right? (Haha, kidding!)
I have had many people ask me if there is “someone special” in my life. They have asked me things along the lines of, “Aren’t you looking?” and “Don’t you want to be married someday?”
Oh boy, I sure do.
One of my biggest dreams is to be a wife and mom. To have my very own family to serve, love, teach and just care for. I have always had a huge heart for kids and desire my own someday. I must say though, I am very content where I am at. This comes as a surprise to some.
But I wasn’t always like this.
As a teen, I was always dreaming of what it would be like to be married and have my own kids. I had a handful of crushes that weren’t real love, but I was always wondering who would be “the one”. I was one of those girls who wanted to be married right out of high school. I mean, my parents did, so why couldn’t I?
Lesson learned: All relationships are different.
In this case, it was the timing.
My senior year came around and there was no one who I was interested in. But, I had expectations that were unrealistic in my case. This was actually very hard for me. I had these ideas made up in my mind that I had to be married by a certain age, or else I would never get married.
Around this time, my sister was courting her husband and not much later got married to him. This was a time that Yehovah used to teach me many things.
I have witnessed my parents love for each other, and then my sister and her husband’s love for each other and I quickly realized that I was coveting something I was not ready for.
Oh, how many times have I done this? I wondered.
How many times have I cried out to Yehovah for some selfish thing that I thought I wanted but wasn’t ready for?
Lesson learned: Yehovah’s timing is perfect.
I needed to wait.
I was coveting a relationship that I wasn’t ready for. I was not ready to support a husband or family. I was not ready to selflessly give like a wife and mother should.
During this time, Yehovah taught me that I needed to re-adjust my focus. I had my focus on getting married and finding my future husband, when I needed to set my eyes where they had wandered from.
From my Yehovah.
He showed me that this “waiting time” is a beautiful time. I’m still in the season of waiting and I can say it HAS been beautiful. I am exploring a lot and learning new things about myself and my Yehovah every day. I am serving Him in different ways by living with my family and using my gifts to benefit others. This time is a very special time that He is using to teach me a lot, things I know I will need in the future.
Don’t rush the waiting time, it’s important.
He taught me that the ideas the world puts in people my age are not of Him. I don’t need someone to complete me because I am already complete in my Yeshua. I don’t need a prince charming because I’m not living in a fairy tale. I need a man of Yehovah. I think us young people get these confused ideas and messages thrown at us that things have to be a certain way, but I don’t see these things in Scripture.
Lesson learned: The world’s view on love is not the same as Yehovah’s view.
Even the world’s view on marriage is not the same. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a commitment. It’s being willing to take care of and serve someone no matter what you feel. Love doesn’t (or shouldn’t) fluctuate because it’s not a feeling, but a decision we make. Yeshua is the perfect example of love. He gave up Himself to us so that we could have a relationship with Him. That’s the most beautiful way you could ever love someone, by giving up yourself. I can quote a bunch of passages from Scriptures, but 1 Corinthians 13 is a beautiful description of real love. I also think if we just look at Yehovah and His character towards us, that we get a beautiful idea of what real love is.
I had my mind set on a fantasy. I had these expectations and when I wasn’t married when I thought I should be married, I cried out to Yehovah. But He has a plan. I don’t need to be worried about my future because He is already there.
I still get people pressuring me to have a special friend. Asking me about any friends I have that are guys and if there is something there. Telling me I need to get out more and be around more guys. But they don’t understand that I don’t need to. My focus isn’t there.
Lesson learned: Perspective is important.
I needed to change my focus and perspective. My focus is on serving Yeshua and those around me. When I was focused on finding a spouse, I found myself very discontent with my life. I felt like there was something missing when the thing I was missing out on was truly being captured by my Yeshua. But, when I refocused on Yeshua and loving Him with all that I am, I found joy. I found that He was the Only One who could completely satisfy me and give me the love my heart desired.
I am not looking anymore, but focusing all my time on Yehovah. I’m letting Yehovah take care of that. He knows my desires. He cares about me too. Why wouldn’t I trust the One who created me and knows me best to take care of me?
I’ve seen some quotes and videos for advice for single people that say things like, “Take off towards Yehovah, and if someone keeps up, introduce yourself.”
“Be busy serving and doing your thing, and if someone comes along, notice them. But, keep doing your thing, until Yehovah makes you stop and really notice them. Once you feel Yehovah making you stop, introduce yourself.”
I like how these quotes encourage you to keep serving and doing what Yehovah has called you to do. Not to stop and look around at everyone else but to keep your focus steady on your Creator.
I’m not totally dismissing the idea of my future spouse and family. My eyes aren’t closed, but focused on something else. Does that makes sense? Maybe someone will catch my eye? But I’m also okay with being single.
What I am doing though along with keeping my focus on Yehovah, is I am praying daily for my future husband and kids He may bless me with.
Recently, I was talking with a very dear friend of mine, and she mentioned that she keeps a journal to her future husband. She writes things to him in hopes of giving him this journal someday. Things she has learned and experienced. Her feelings about stuff. I thought it was the sweetest idea ever and have decided to try it myself. I feel very picky about my future husband, like my standards are too high. Like this man that I desire could be impossible to find!
But I ‘m okay with it. I’m content if I never get married. I’m content if I do get married. As long as I am following Yeshua with all I am than I know He’s got it taken care of. Because my focus isn’t there, until that standard meeting guy catches up with me and grabs my attention. Haha!
I am so thankful for all the things my Parents have taught me about courting and such. They are a beautiful example of a godly, Yehovah serving and strong marriage.
So kids, look to those who are older and can offer advice. Learn from others. Serve Yehovah and allow Him to teach you during this beautiful time of waiting. Give Him all of your heart until the person who treasures it like Him comes along and desires to serve Him with you. Don’t worry about your future, because it is in the hands of Yehovah. He’s got this.
Blessings & Shalom,